The CapnSassyJas

A portrait of the artist as a young man.

CapnSassyJas, aka James Hollis, is proud to call himself a latent gadabout with an unhealthy penchant for frosted cereal detritus and Sunday newspaper sales circulars.  As a member of the elite sanity base of Los Angeles which derives its power from a variety of off-putting ne'er-do-wells, James found his true calling early on in life, as a designer of brassieres while working for the Vibromatic Pylon and Piston Company of Northern Watcheedum (and this before the mass availability of commercially supplied spandex).  With his invention of the No-Snap Bra, James led the industry in overall coverage in the entire Western Hemisphere. 

Not content with simple accolades, James entered into politics with the bold progressive stance to find a running mate based purely on looks and sexual prowess.  With a call for a "broad in every bathtub!", James sought to end the taboos surrounding sexuality, by treatying the Great Compromise which ended centuries of warfare between the people having sex, and those hoping to merely catch a glimpse of it in the garbled distorted bits of the scrambled Spice Channel. 

As spokesman for the Whirling Dervish Coffee Brewers of America, James was a fixture on Saturday morning kids shows; teaching the future of  America the importance of fine grinding their coffee beans.  Champion of paper towel tube recycling; Leader and world famous chocolatier; International humanitarian and environmentalist (unless it involves direct contact with actual nature); James can always be found at the forefront of cutting-edge issues. 

Currently located in the "Kiddy Korral" of a major international film and television studio, James can be found inducing adult onset diabetes through various sugar glurged coffee drinks and candies.  A fervent combatant of Nazis and zombies, James supplements his sleepless nights by dozing on paper during the day. 

Favorite word:
Quixotic

Least favorite word:
goodbye

What turns me on creatively, spiritually or emotionally: 
beauty

What turns me off:
low blood sugar

Sound or noise that I hate:
nose whistles

Sound or noise that I like:
the soundtrack that plays in my head, written by Brian Eno, performed by the London Philharmonic

Favorite curse word:
fudge (Only, I didn't say fudge.)

Profession other than my own that I would like to attempt:
Snack Food Artiste (wait, is that a profession?) 

Profession I would not like to do:
film producer

If heaven exists, what I would like to hear God say when I arrive at the Pearly Gates:
"Okay, we'll make an exception this time."