1. Though he
idolized "The King" for most of his life, Ronald Bilkins realized
that the stress inflicted upon the original 1975 body suit was nothing compared
to the permanent marks left in his genitalia.
2. Though fully
aware of how he looked, Ronald Bilkins was amazed at the surprising comfort and
freedom of the classic 1975 Vegas Performance Unitard.
3. Waiting for the
music to start, stripper Ronald Bilkins stands ready to cut himself free from
his Elvis costume in order to really get this party started.
4. Always a shoe-in
for a costume competition, Ronald Bilkins realizes too late that the tightness
he is experiencing has nothing to do with his choice in costume but rather
everything to do with the small child he just ate.
5. As father of the
bride, Ronald Bilkins stands hurt by his daughter's last minute decision to let
her mother give her away instead.
6. True to form,
Ronald Bilkins arrives fashionably late to the party, yet surprisingly in time
for the buffet.
7. Mixing up his
dates, Ronald Bilkins was sure that he'd never be Grand Wizard or King for a
Day after showing up at the KKK rally in his hand beaded Elvis
unitard.
8. With the ability
to cloud men's minds, Ron "the Shadow" Bilkins worked the room knowing
full well that his special suit made him invisible to others. So why did
everyone seem to be laughing at him?
9. Though usually a
man of great judgment, it was apparent to his friends that Ronald Bilkins had made
the worst fashion faux pas by wearing white after Labor Day.
10. "Elvis
Day" at Comisky Park, which always draws a crowd, proved to be all fun and
games until security was called to subdue Ronald Bilkins who devoured the
condiment stand at booth number 12 behind home plate.
11. Though devoted
fans of Elvis chanted "Elvis lives," it became clear to those present
that Elvis would be better off dead.
12. Though not a
homosexual, a bespectacled Jeffrey Lattimer, upon seeing the large man in the
white outfit, couldn't help but stare and wonder if the front of the suit was
just as tight as the back.
13. Often told many
times that his mom dressed him funny, Ronald Bilkins reveled in his new-found
freedom to dress as he pleased just months after his mother died.
14. Always on the
prowl, Ronald Bilkins thought briefly that he had found his soul mate when the
server correctly assumed that he wanted extra butter on his popcorn.
15. Fresh out of a
divorce and back on to the dating scene, Ronald couldn't help but think that
everyone else here was simply out of place.
16. Usually caught
unawares, timid Ronald Bilkins began to realize that he would most likely never
recover from the trauma that was about to ensue at this, his very last public
appearance.
17. A hot night,
Ronald began to question if white sheer was the best way to go.
18. First time in a
biker bar, Ronald was about to learn just how unprepared he was for "the
worst."
19. Always looking
forward to spending time with friends, Ronald Bilkins set out once again to
find some.
20. Ronald soon
realized that the open casting call for the part of the eunuch, was sure to be
his... if the tape would just hold a little longer.
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