Ripped From the Headlines: Ablaze

EDINBURG, Texas -- Firefighters who spent eight hours fighting a blaze in which 2,000 pounds of marijuana went up in smoke breathed so much of it that they would have failed a drug test, a fire chief said.

It took more than 35 firefighters, 1,000 gallons of water, 2 gallons of nacho cheese sauce, 1 gallon of ranch dip, 243 bags of Doritos, 156 boxes of Little Debbie's brand snack cakes, 40 orders of McDonald's twenty piece McNuggets, 62 boxes of Thin-Mint Girl Scout Cookies; and 3 separate trips to the local Bill Miller's BBQ, Waffle House, and Baskin-Robbin's in the Chief's car to extinguish the warehouse blaze on Wednesday, Fire Chief Shawn Snider said.

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents were investigating the origin of the drugs.

When asked if the Hidalgo County fire marshal was investigating whether arson was the cause, a bemused Marshal Brian Roberts simply laughed and replied, "Relax man... everything is freakin sweet here.  We got the boys chillin this down and don't nobody need to be talking about some depressing shit like arson, alright?  Show some respect for the crew out here.  We're gonna be out here all night, all-Lionel-Ritchie-night-long, in case there are any flair ups, you know what I'm saying?  On the job, son."

Snider said Thursday the firefighters were exposed to so much marijuana smoke that they would not be able to pass a drug test, despite wearing air packs to prevent them from inhaling toxic or hazardous fumes.  "Yeah, man, see that's the fucked-up shit with this kind of... bang-all blaze, right there, man.  Cuz we were busy supressing some serious flamage in there... for so long, and we didn't have time to think about our own safety and shit.  That's the fireman way, son.  It was intense in there.  That's it.  Enough said.  Look it, it was sooo freakin hot in there, we had to take our masks off.  Yeah.  Cuz, like, if a dude can't breathe, man, in there... then it's game over.  And... we... won't... quit, man.  You can take that to the bank or whatever... you know, if the bank hadn't have burned down while we were all focused up in here on this very... just, you know, crazy-ass inferno.  Boom, that's it, right there, son.  In - fer - no.  Shit was all hot and on fire.  No lie.  That's the fireman way!  Edinburg Engine Two-Three out!" Snider concluded.