-----Original
Message-----
From:
Bill S
Sent:
Thursday, June 16, 20052:26 PM
To:
info@xxxxx.com
Subject:
Movie
Dear
XXXXX
I
really want to make a movie with you and have you put it in theaters. I have
great ideas. Please tell me how we
get started.
Thank
you
Bill
---------------------
Dear Bill,
Thank
you for your interest in our company.
Due in great part to the number of complete strangers seeking out film
relations with us, we have set up a special website whereby visitors just like
you, can initiate special contact with a special member of our special
company:
You, Bill, however, instantly struck me as something special.
You
know, Bill, as I look out of my leather and mahogany lined office, I see a
beggar woman off in the distance... And she's holding a sign, Bill. It says, "Stranded. Please help." Bill, I could have that woman killed
with one phone call. But I won't
do that, because she's real, Bill.
She's something real. She's
out there working it. Scrounging
for money; eating my leftovers; fighting for doorsteps to sleep on; living a
real life. That's special,
Bill. And what do you have,
Bill? Who are you, Bill? Who is this person named Bill and why
is he trying to talk to me and what is he saying? You're a man who sounds like he's going places, Bill. I admire that, Bill. You've got the drive, now... show me
the talent, Bill.
This is what I'm willing to do for you, Bill, because... like that poor wretch
of a woman out there, I'm willing to throw something at her to keep her from
opening her mouth. And you know
what else, Bill... she keeps shaking that cup, man... I mean really shaking
that cup, and there's only 52 cents in there, I know, because I know what 2
nickels, 4 dimes and 2 pennies sounds like. But, I'm not a heartless bastard, Bill... I can appreciate
the realness of her situation. I
respect that. But... when she
starts shaking that cup... that fucking cup... Bill! I just want to kill her. Sometimes when I leave work late at night, I circle the
block a few times... just listening for that shaking goddamned cup. And I think to myself, "I could
hit 60 if I start a block back and the lights all stay green. I could cut her in two with a little
jerk of the wheel." I've got
a Ferrari, Bill. It's got a pretty
pointy front. I've got the means,
Bill, but do I have the nerve?
What do you think, Bill?
Sponge Bob calls me a wimp bastard. I know that's what he calls me, I'm not deaf. When I hit the mute and all that's left
is the ringing in my head, there it is again… the shaking of that damned
cup. And that's when Sponge Bob
starts in. "You're never
gonna do it. She's watching you,
you know. See how she taunts you
with that box top sign? She's
calling you out, and you're just sitting there. Wimp bastard!"
I'm
not a wimp bastard, Sponge Bob!
I'm not! I'm not, Bill,
tell Sponge Bob I'm not. I'll gut
you, Sponge Bob! You've known me
for a long time, Bill. Tell
him! Tell him I can do it! I'll make your movie, Bill. You want your movie made, right? I'll help you do it if you get Sponge
Bob off my back.
Please, Bill, I can't take it any more!!!
Please, Bill, I can't take it any more!!!
Nice Try Films
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