Nice Try Films Cares: Aid to the Ailing Abid in Africa!

Working in the film business, I have been forwarded many email queries that have varied from quaint to bizarre.  Here is an actual email that I felt warranted some actual, special attention:

From: MRSRUTH ABID [mailto:xxxxxx@sify.com]
Sent: Monday, March 10, 2008 6:46 AM
To: xxxxxx@mweb.co.zw
Subject: My Dear,Friend,Reply Me

My Dear,

I am Mrs.Ruth Abid  from Libya. I am married to Late OSMAN ABID of blessed memory who is an oil explorer in Libya and Kuwait for twelve years  before he died in the year 2000. We were married for twelve years  without a child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four  days. Since his death I too have been battling with both Cancer and  fibroid problems. When my late Husband was alive he deposited a substantial amount of money in millions of dollars with a deposit company oversea.

Recently, my doctor told me that I have only six months to live due to  cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to either a  charity/orphanage home or devoted God fearing individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to  instruct herein. I want this organization or individual to use this money in all sincerity to fund charity homes (motherless homes), orphanages, widows.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are into radical organization and I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an Unholy manner. Hence the reasons for this bold  decision.

Please, pray for me to recover as your prayers will  go a  long way in uplifting my spirit. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my  health, because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. As soon as I receive your reply on Email: I shall give you further directives on what to  do and how to go about actualizing this project. I will also issue a  letter of authority to the Deposit Company authorizing them that the said  fund Have being willed to you and a copy of such authorization will be  forwarded to you. I want you to always pray for me.

Any delay in your reply will give room in sourcing for an organization or a devoted Individual for this same purpose. 

Until I hear from you by email; my dreams will rest squarely on your shoulders.

Remain blessed.
 

MRS. RUTH ABID.

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My beloved, Mrs. Abid,

I love it when you call me dear.  And I know in your delicate state that I should not burden you with this news, but with you so close to death, time is not on our side.  Long have we been lovers, even when your oil husband was alive and dutifully playing his part in strangling the world in the grip of oily tyranny.  To get right to it, Ruthy… I hated Osman.  And I hated the way he lavished you with expensive gifts and advanced sexual techniques.  For so long I wondered “Why?  Why can I not be this man who has so much: a beautiful wife, amassed wealth, and tantric knowledge that makes the Kama Sutra read like an Archie comic?”  For years this hatred welled up inside me until I could take it no longer… until in 2000 I murdered your husband with a lethal dose of rat poison.  I admit freely that I did this, but I know you will forgive me because you love me so.  I know you do.  Only a person in love would use the word “Dear” so tenderly.  Of course, the fact that you’re giving me Osman’s money is further proof that you can forgive me.  You see, Ruth, Baby… I knew with Osman gone that I could finally be the only man in your life… and with any luck you would see fit to impart to me his money.  And I was right, Ruth… I was right.  You came back to me.  To me.  But enough about the past, Ruth… you say you’ve only got six months to live due to “cancer problem”?  You know me, I don’t like to be overly critical and correct people, but I believe the fact that you have cancer is technically the problem to which you’re referring.  I merely say this as it’s kind of redundant to say “cancer problem”… and don’t get me started on “stroke sickness”… but don’t listen to me, we’re talking about you and I’m carrying on like this!

I want you to know, Ruth, that I will endeavor to use this money you are so nobly giving me to fund motherless homes.  Maybe one day we can end the cycle of homes being born without their mothers.  True, you won’t be around to see that day… and neither will I, but together we can leave a legacy of hope.

I know you’ve asked me to pray for you to recover, but we should make clear that if by some reason you did actually recover that I would still be eligible for the money, right?  Just checking, because I know that English is maybe not your first language to beg in, and it must be difficult for you to secret yourself away from Osman’s family to get to a computer and log on to your Sifymax.com account, which I am noting is a popular entertainment site in India (I can’t wait to see that new Sameera film, can you?   Oh… I guess you can’t technically wait either.  Too bad, really.  It looks like a good one.).

I know you started talking about all kinds of contacting and authorizations, but I know that a love like ours doesn’t need authorization for we are our own authorities.  And you’ve already placed my heart under arrest. 

Love always,

Your Dear Nice Try Films

PS: Let me know when the funeral is, I’d like to send some flowers or a card or something.