Nice Try Films: A World of Pure Imagination!

Working in the film business, I have been forwarded many email queries that have varied from quaint to bizarre.  Here is an actual email that I felt warranted some actual, special attention:

From: xxxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.fr
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2008 10:25 AM
To: xxxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: FW: FROM MISS MARIA DENISE

I AM MISS MARIA DENISE FROM IVORY COAST AND I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOUR HELP IN THE MANAGEMENT OF A SUM OF MONEY THAT MY DEAD FATHER LEFT FOR ME BEFORE HE DIED.

THIS MONEY IS USD 18.5 MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS AND THE MONEY IS IN A BANK HERE IN ABIDJAN.

MY FATHER WAS A VERY RICH COCOA FARMER AND HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS COLLEAGUES AND NOW I WANT YOU TO STAND AS MY GUIDIAN AND APPOINTED BENEFICIARY AND RECEIVE THE MONEY IN YOUR COUNTRY SINCE I AM ONLY 20 YEARS AND WITHOUT MOTHER OR FATHER.

PLEASE I WILL LIKE YOU TO REPLY TO THIS EMAIL SO THAT I WILL TELL YOU ALL THE INFORMATION SO THAT MY MONEY WILL BE TRANSFER INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SO THAT YOU WILL GET ME PAPERS TO TRAVEL TO YOUR COUNTRY TO CONTINUE MY EDUCATION THERE WHILE YOU HELP ME INVEST MY MONEY UNTIL I FINISH MY EDUCATION.

I AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY AND I WILL CALL YOU AS SOON AS I HEAR FROM YOU.

 I AM SENDING TO YOU A COPY OF MY PICTURE SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE HELPING.

THANKS.

MARIA DENISE

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Dear Maria and Denise

I am so glad you have come to me with your 18.5 million dollar relocation plans.  While I don’t have a lot of room in what is termed my “over-extended” accounts, I think I just might be able to accommodate a little more space to assist you in this valiant effort to live up to your dead sugar daddy’s ideals of making the world a sweeter place through the magic of chocolate confections.  And though I never knew, or knew of, your father until now, I like to picture him in a purple velvet suit and a top hat to match, as he’s taking that last, great Wonkavator to heaven.  Rest in peace, candy man… rest in peace.

But be ever proud, girls.  Willy’s spirit lives on in you both.  You were right to entrust your sweet, tender, 20 year old, sexpot bodies to my faithful, seasoned hands.  Please note that while I did not receive your picture with the email as you stated, I have elected to do some background investigations to better help foster our burgeoning since of trust.  After careful research by calculating some integers and information you have provided previously, such as: Ivory coast, your names, chocolate, etc… coupled with my own unique deductive reasoning; I have utilized my vast net of the Inters (it’s technical), and have uncovered what I believe are in fact images of you (attached here for your confirmation). 

 

As such, I hope you will accept this confirmation of our great mutual admiration. 

I will not cheapen this correspondence with vague promises.  Willy certainly never would have stood for such pretense and I dare say neither would his daughters.  So, let us proceed to business.  In order to commence our dealings, please follow the following steps as followed:

1. Please deposit at least US$9.25 million (representing half of the total $18.5 million) in the following Swiss bank account: Bank of Switzerland, Acct Number:

789-OU812-5050-987-N-YOPD.  You should be sure to list me as administrator and you should give the bank my super secret password which is: “MMMCHOCOLATESLUTS” (note the number of M’s and the capitalization);

2. In the interest of diversifying my engagement, please deposit the remaining US$9.25 million in the equivalent form of chocolate bullion into the same account.  This is a necessity borne not only of personal gratification, but also of diversification (which is a fancy business financial term for diversification).

Once I have confirmation of the deposits, I can then begin the process of your immigration to the United States.  I do, in fact, know some people at many universities here in the United States (as I am sure you are aware, I have personally produced and overseen the production of the wildly popular series of videos: “Boob Tube” and “Drunk Chicks” at numerous post-secondary schools around the country), so if you’ll assure me a place at your graduation ceremonies, I’ll work to assure yours. 

 

In closing: though this great tragedy has brought us together, I know that we will find great comfort in each other.  I am looking forward to meeting you both.  I had to pause there just a moment.  I was suddenly taken atingle with the warm feelings only a – dare I say – loving family can know.  I am humbled and I thank you.

Sincerely,

 
Your friend in all things chocolate at Nice Try Films