Nice Try Films: Heart Failure

Working in the film business, I have been forwarded many email queries that have varied from quaint to bizarre.  Here is an actual email that I felt warranted some actual, special attention:

 -----Original Message-----
From: ? ?? [mailto:XXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2005 7:59 PM
To: info@XXXXXXXX.com
Subject: The TITANIC Second Story.There is question. Reply entrusting it gives.

Hello.I live in Korea. Do you know county named the Korea? My name is Ji XXXX. And Iam ordinary girl student. Answer my word once. Strange talk is not and speaks about my dream. Hollywood... However, my dream is true heart. Thank you for hearing my story. Thank you.

Because I prepare to site of movie, I was good. However, da not you trust me? Sorry. It is just ordinary person among all the world person. GIVE ME ON OPPORTUNITY. I have to provide.There are movie sites that sould like to film. Give me an  opportunity. I wanted to challenge in Hollywood in once.

And becomes the actress of top and.
answer my talk, movie of tens is making in a day in hollywood. among it, there will be public entertainment construction failure. I am Orienal and girl student. may not I leave moive fan many lookes by this thing?? will doubt, but I speak heartily.There may not exist to me perhaps although there are public entertainment construction failurein Hollywood. It amounts to a lot of profits in moive public information. I want to challenge certainly. I want to challenge in outfield . Talk and is happy although there is no many personage who answer heartily my talk really.

I connect with  TITANIC 1 story and write the second story. Read once. By the way, I send outline in our Korean, country language, because I do not know well English. Sorry. Read certainly once. I ask. Also, I reply other talks that I write. Is very anxious how think. I do not know whether do not see as a strange peron. I will ask. I am a girl student of the Korea. 

My name is JI XXXX.  To send an interpretation.. please.

The TITANIC Second Story

[pages of Korean language removed] 

Dear Ji XXXX,

Thank you for your interest in talking and heart.  I can see from your determination that you are determined to be determined in this great cause.  I gather that this has something to do with the overwhelming public entertainment construction failure here in Hollywood, though I cannot speak to that as the Public Construction Failure Board does not allow us to discuss private board matters even though they are public.  It's not a conspiracy, it's just that no one can be trusted.

With that said, I am really looking forward to reading your Titanic 2 story, which seems to be associated in some way with the 1997 box office smash: Titanic.  I certainly admire your creative take and drive, but feel obligated to point out that the ship sank at the end of the movie, so I don't see much potential in it coming back for a sequel.  Unless this is a horror film where the ship rises from the depths to exact revenge on the money grubbing, corner cutting, White Star executives who built her ill-equipped and shoddily - well then, Ji, you've got my attention.  May I suggest an opening where we see the great water logged, rusted, luxury liner some 10 years later, coming to the surface and willing her way back toward Liverpool in a thick misty fog... devouring icebergs along the way. 

Midnight: Liverpool.  Titanic makes her way ashore to begin her slaughter of the self righteous White Star executives who wronged her. 

It's brilliant!  I love it!  You're hired! 

My associate, Mr. Hilario will be contacting you to see how you look.  Don't worry, if you're half as attractive as you say you are, he'll love you to!  But looks aren't everything.  You'll need to prove yourself.  So... you'll be entering the phase of film making called "the casting couch".  This is just a Hollywood term for "auditioning".  This will be the deciding factor that will determine if you will be a superstar or doomed to be a failure.  So give it all you've got! 

You'll have to pay your own way, so good luck with that.  Might we suggest selling some personal items or someone else's personal items to get here?  And if all else fails, you can always steal away in a shipping container.  I hear some of them are quite nice inside.  In the event that you are not attractive, we ask that you please bring at least 10 other girls with you who are.  This will not only assure that you have faith in us, but also that we can have faith in you. 

Please be mindful of our fees which are immediately due upon your arrival.  You will need to obtain large quantities of cash or readily usable and untraceable credit once you arrive here.  It is customary in Hollywood for you to be financially responsible for all costs incurred by us on your behalf.  We wouldn't want to look dishonorable or unprofessional, would we?  Why do you think everyone wants to be friends with Steven Spielberg... that's right, because he has to pay for everything because he's rich.  You want to be rich, don't you Ji XXXX?  That's right, you do.  You keep that can-do attitude, and you will be very, very soon.

Sincerely,

 

Nice Try Films