Velvety Smooth

“Velvety smooth, Cart.  That’s the secret to getting where you wanna go in this life.  Velvet T. Smooth.  You wouldn’t know anything about that with your boney butt and your one wheel that’s all Michael J. Foxy.  ‘Blubiddy, blubiddy, blubiddy,’ that’s what you feel like when you go shaking down the street.  All special needs, handicapable and whatever.  Bet you wish you were that Mercedes across the street.  Bet it’s smooth and velvety delicious.  Mmmm, but it’s not a convertible like you, Carty Cart… with your top down and all your stuff showing.  Mmmm, you look good, sweety.  The truth.  But you do got the wobbles, girlfriend.  But that’s okay or whatever, because you’re smooth on the inside where it counts sometimes.  Oooh, feel that?  Mmm, velvety wind.  I like to feel the wind on my tummy when it blows… on my tummy… the wind.  Now that’s velvety smooth, see?  Oh hey, look at those people down there.  ‘Woohoo, I’m sexy!’  They so want me.  No, they were not looking at you, girlfriend shopping cart.  They were looking at this.  You’re just jealous that I bring the velvet to the smooth that is mwah.  Don’t laugh, that’s French!  Stop it!  You’re so dumb!  Heavy sigh… Oh, we’re friends right?  I wish you were a real convertible, Carty.  Then I could get in you and we could go cruising, honey!  Oof, we should not have had those tacitos from Del Taco.  Feels like a baby kicking in here.  Oh, sorry, Carty.  No offense.  I didn’t mean to bring up the whole abortion thing.  I know you’re still sensitive.  You wanna wear the pants this time?  Yeah, for real.  I mean it, Carty.  You’ve earned it.  Besides, you look like you could use some velvety smoothness right about now because you’re a little sad.  It’s okay really, go ahead and take them.  It’s alright, I’ll turn around.  Geeez!”